“Few of us remember all of the hearts we broke, or the lies we told breaking them. Many of us do remember those who broke our hearts and every little lie that was told in doing it. That’s emotional junk that we’re better off tossing. Guilt for something we cannot fix? Get rid of it.”—Ayahuasca in my blood
i mentioned the other day that i bought a pair of girl with the dragon tattoo black denim jeans from h&m. i can’t stop wearing them.
pairing baggy jeans with sneakers transforms me. it makes me more the self that i like being.
i felt like a mall rat in them yesterday. allison and i weaved through the Glendale Americana (whatsup with these dummies bringing their dogs shopping?) and i knocked over things and bought sunglasses. in sneakers and baggy jeans i am a klutzy trouble maker. i feel small and mischievous. i’m not posturing the way i am in leggings and tall boots. i’m poaching eggs perfectly. i’m breaking $60 glass jars of hand creme and running. i’m buying books to help me write better and i’m not buying the same sweater i already have in slate, in black, in yellow.
i always have things wrong with me. are other people like this too? do other 25 year olds (26!) worry about their bunions as much as me? or irregular moles? cysts on their back? bumps anywhere near their groin? enlarged lymphnodes? infected ear piercings? earwax buildup? odd stabbing pains in their vag?
are other young people constantly wondering if they’re about to have a stroke? if that bump is a blood clot? if that headache is going to be THE HEADACHE that kills them? that the gynecologist didn’t do a good enough job swabbing? that their ovaries just burst?
do you ever wake up and think a spider lodged itself in your uretha? or that when in the hospital in india, while you were sleeping, someone put something in your body that shouldn’t be there?
i met an incredible cat today named Luxe. he was light gray/black ombre and enormous! he strut right up to me and i dropped to my knees to cuddle. he was the most AMAZING cat i’ve ever met. i LOVE animals! i’m animal crazy! the rumors are true!
Yoga was too full the other day. The teacher was being so accommodating it made me sick. There gets to be a point where it’s just too stinky sweaty and crowded man! Tell them class is full!
I started recording Whitney and it is so stupid and shitty but also entertaining. The guy who plays her boyfriend is 15 lbs away from being the creepiest looking man on Earth. Zoe lister jones is probably like yeeea$$$$yeaa! I would. I’d like some shitty sitcom cash.
Al and I were talking about which young actresses we are into right now and I realized, in terms of aesthetics… Err I just really like the look and grit of 90s women. 90s singers. That’s what I want in my girls. That’s why I like Parker posey and drea de matteo. They are close(r) than not to Fiona and pj and tori and Alanis and pre surgery courtney. Ooo give me Carrie brownstein and a Selma Blair!
Shirley manson face , liz phair mouth, all of those voices.
God I can’t wait to cast the shit out of movies. I love faces!!!
sometimes needsupply is so stupid. i have been trying to find shit i like from them for the past year because i have this damn gift certificate and almost everything i have ordered has been a disaster. that red maxi skirt from a few weeks ago? it was made for a giant. i’m 5’7 and i was tripping all over the fucking thing. it kept sliding down off of me. returned it. the sunglasses i bought from them broke in half after a month. i ordered a bunch of things a year ago and two or three weeks after i ordered them, i called the company to find out where they were, turns out they were sold out! all of the customer service people have been real nice so i can’t hate on the place too much. i was just cruising through the site cuz i have an $88 credit and came across a few LOL things. WHO BUYS THIS SHIT?
and then somewhere on the site is a camping stool for $125. i really truly laugh out loud thinking about people coming across this shit while ordering their ridiculous j.campbell platforms and thinking I NEEEEEED THAT LUMBER BAG!