i sent my dad a link to an excerpt from Dr Weil’s new book Spontaneous Happiness.
this was the response i got:
I don’t trust happy people.
“Only an idiot is happy all the time” Norma Liebowitz February, 1986
“I am miserable. I get up every day and hope that it will be better.” Izzy Liebowitz 1972
Joined a soccer team with Daniel. I think / know / could tell the girls judged me harshly because my 32Fs were looking Christina hendricksy in a compression sports bra.
We follow a Susan Powter-Esque icon over the course of the year as she helps plan her 20 something son’s wedding to a girl she despises
Tumblr or angry birds? It’s a tough call.
Saw that movie with the M names starring little olsen. Felt really frustrated and contemplated walking out. Made it through but gave it a C. Not the worst - the directing was swell.
Managed to make it through a day away from my apartment without spending a tremendous amount of Money. (remember, this IS LA and I had maaaany hours to kill…)
Unimpressed with h&m Beverly center. Interesting how overhearing one obnoxious conversation between employees can sour my entire perspective on lace dresses and $25 cardigans. (I’m very sensitive today)
I want to own everything I see at All Saints but am not going to even try on that $295 dress. I don’t care how much it accentuates my hour glass dammit.
Made it out of that part of town spending only $3 on parking and $6 on iced teas.
Instead of that damn dress —— which I could’ve easily justified as a “birthday present” I bought myself a new sports bra. For yoga. And then went to a free yoga class with Emily that was unbeknownst to me Advanced. I did fine. I’m finally starting to look forward to yoga.
Emily , Byrnes and I saw the M movie. Then some annoying shit happened in the parking structure so we reparked, got a beer (wine for the ladies) and made fun of Sarah paulson’s fucked up plastic surgery mouth.
The ride home was long and lonely and scary and sad. Finding a parking space even worse. Had my pepper spray thumb on trigger the whole way to my door. I miss Daniel. I’m good in a pair. Best that way.
I have three hours to kill before the mother of all obgyn appts. I brought a LIST of questions and tests I want run.
Parking at the Beverly Center is easy and cheap (so the dr’s website says) and I’m spending these next three hours roaming around the mall. Flashback to me sick as a shitty pukey hungry dog passing 4 hours in a Berlin mall earlier this year. (shudder)
This time I brought my iPad and on that my kindle. I’m reading a guide by the creator of National Novel Writing Month to prep for next month.
Last night I went to a free introductory lecture at the Kabbalah center.
Lot of plastic surgery in the room. fake tits, weird faces, frozen faces. HOW COULD A PLASTIC SURGEON LET THEIR CLIENTS LOOK THAT WAy? Also what do these women see when they look in the mirror? Perhaps they’re turning to kabbalah for acceptance. (the 4 faces in the room of 13 were very distracting)
How do people STILL forget to turn their cell phones off during movies, lectures and/or other places where it’d be totally rude for their stupid fucking phone to go off? Am I the only person who most Always has their phone on vibrate out of respect for, like, EVERYONE?
I shit you not, THREE phones went off during the lecture.
Sometimes, mostly, a lot of the time at non “academic” lectures, I notice that when the lecturer encourages the audience to ask questions, the questions are rarely ACTUALLY answered.
The woman chosen to write the class’s wishes hopes and dreams on the black board was approx 40 with plastic surgery face and spelled at least three very simple words incorrectly.
Side note: a girl just sat right down next to me at a coffee bean just now, in a room of empty chairs, and is faced towards me chatting really furiously on her cell with her dumb friend Stephanie about their other dumb friend Chloe.
That Daniel and I are a very michigany watered down version of Nina Persson and Nathan Larson.
On degrassi Anya sneaks a peak at her mother’s oncologist’s planner
It says, on thursday
PIZZA LESLIE @ 7pm
i love those kinds of details!
It’s so boring and weird how Fiona is always drinking champagne.
My dad never graduated from college. Last year he decided to return to Lawrence Tech and finish up his degree.
He’s a cross between Bill Gates and Rodney Dangerfield.
Here are some things he told me about school today:
This one kid says his name is Toad and then he won’t shut the fuck up. I swear to god this fuckin moron is a goddamn schizo and we all gotta sit there listenin to him go on and on about how much of a fuckin asshole he is.
The Chinese kids get to use their translators on the tests. No wonder there are so many Chinese at Lawrence! They’re allowed to cheat on tests. It’s bullshit!
My best friend at school is a Saudi. His father is a goddamn Saudi GENERAL!
I ask the teacher are you gonna be testing us on how well we can memorize this shit or how well we know this shit?
He says the test is fill in the blank. Every test is that for me! My mind goes blank and I better fill it in!
“do the other kids like you?”
That’s a good question. I’m the only Jew, the only one over 50 and the only rich motherfucker in the class. They’re all probably wondering why the fuck I’m there! And guess what, I’m wondering the same goddamn thing!
I just signed up for NaNoWriMo!!!!!!
Benicio del toro had a baby with kimberly Stewart
i applied for a job on craigslist to be a part time wellness coach.
“Looking for highly motivated, physically active individuals who are self-motivated and business minded to work as Health Coaches in the health and wellness industry. No matter your background, we are currently looking for energetic people who will help us expand our growing health and wellness company through one on one personal health assessments, nutrition education, and running group activities such as weight loss challenges and workouts; all while having the flexibility to do so around a full time work schedule.”
when Holly called me for a brief phone interview I asked her if there were any pills or plans we’d be hawking. she insisted, NO, no way, this is just an awesome opportunity for people who like to stay in shape and inspire other people. skeptically i said okay, thinking it was way too good to be true.
i was invited to a meeting the very next day and told to dress business casual. i drove to culver city to the meeting and was escorted into the building by a very tan smiley faced man. his enthusiasm made me uneasy.
“oh god dammit shit fuck.” i thought to myself as i walked up the stairs to the “meeting”. techno was playing and a bunch of over-caffeinated freaks were goofin around acting way too excited.
i was introduced to Holly who seemed nice. more low key than the others.
i sat down in a chair surrounded by other wellness coach hopefuls and noticed a logo on the conference room wall.
“oh god dammit shit fuck, that’s the herbalife logo. ugh.”
I sat through 45 minutes of “coaches” taking turns talking about how much herbalife has changed their lives. lots of before and after photos, lots of promises of extra $$$, lots of tears, lots of clapping, lots of cheering.
no one mentioned that herbalife are pills and powders and shit. they kept referring to it as a nutritional program. everyone surrounding me was totally buying into it.
at the end of the program they got up to say that while they’d love to hire EVERYONE in the room they simply can’t. “if you’re hard working, responsible, outgoing and have a great attitude - stick around and talk with the coach who invited you here. we’ll start a 3 hour training in 15 minutes.”
i contemplated raising my hand and telling everyone to RUN RUN RUN!!!!
instead i stood up and walked out, hoping to avoid the health coach who invited me. (I was the only one who walked out)
on my way down the stairs I ran into Holly. “you guys are so inspiring but this isn’t for me”
so i left.
what a bunch of goddamn freaks.
last night for dinner i made mashed potatoes and mixed in sauteed mushrooms, garlic, onion, corn, and peas. topped it off with some bbq sauce.