“Try not to fall into the mindset of labeling everything an illness …”
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i finally read that damn new yorker profile of noah baumbach. it made me like frances ha more. it made me like greta less. my feelings for noah remain the same. i feel silly announcing this - these opinions don’t matter. i suppose if someone out there is tracking my likes and dislikes —- well, there you go.
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today
i am sad because my other dog from home, Markie, is dying.
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i am an emotional wreck , eyes welling up with tears at photos of baby rabbits and laughing hysterically during workaholics and cry laughing at my coworkers.
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It’s a hot one . I’ve literally made over 150 phone calls today. Need a beer.
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I’m in my car right now on set in Santa Clarita. We are shooting at a ranch today and the furthest point of the parking lot has okay 3G reception.
I’m sitting here trying to remember Xena. Every visit home over the past few years I’ve treated as our last time seeing each other. I made sure to hold her head in my hands and look her in the eye and recite that jack London line, “my god, you can all but speak!”
She was my girl for a long time. When I graduated high school early, I’d walk/run her to orchard lake and back almost every single day. When she’d jump the fence and roam the neighborhood, I’d get in my jeep wrangler and slowly drive, calling out her name til I spotted her and she spotted me and she’d come running to get in the front seat. Always smiling and, almost, laughing.
What a sweet girl. She had incredible depth. A face filled with expression. An animal communicator said she missed me when I left for college in San Francisco. A communicator more recently told us she was only in her body sometimes, that she’d go on spirit walks. That sounded about right. As she grew older and her body less capable of literally climbing the fence, she’d drift off -not quite asleep- and would jump back into her body upon being startled. A little jolt at first followed by a sweet smile on her face and in her eyes.
I loved that girl.
My mom had to have her put down over the weekend. A disc in her neck had slipped and she was experiencing paralysis in all four of her legs. There wasn’t much they could do.
Last week, i had thought about canceling my trip to Coachella. Markie is not doing well, melanoma. Treatment that has been working for the past two years has stopped working and tumors are springing up all over his body. I wanted to go home and visit with him. I thought about how sad it would be for him to pass before his older sister Xena.
During yeasayer’s set, I teared up thinking about the Madder Red music video. I just love animals so much.
In high school I fought with one of my Hebrew school teachers about treatment of animals. I told him that my family considered our pets as family members/brothers/sisters and he retorted something very insensitive back to me and I shoulda coulda woulda outta have spit in his ugly fat face. -
i’m working on a show right now and we get a lot of big name actors and some musicians on it and i’ve become a little jaded. it doesn’t excite me. i remember a time when every celeb sighting (Danny Glover in Key West!) left me feeling high for daaaays - (when i was 12 years old!)
i don’t get excited about meeting someone. or seeing them around set. and i’m trying to think of who would REALLY excite me, who i’d FLIP over meeting and the only people that really come to mind are:
Jonathan Ames
Geoff Dyer
Mary Gaitskill
and
Liz Phair.
who would you freak over?
Theme: Linear by Peter Vidani
